I write about loneliness a lot. It is how I feel my depression is best described. The trigger loneliness thus leading to a spiral down into a dark place. However I’ve never written about how hopeless I’ve felt during those times.
Just recently I’ve begun to spiral. Down that long dark hole that the further you fall the harder it is to climb out. Tooth and nail, I have always managed to climb my way out.
Depression and anxiety is not a one and done type of thing. You have days where you can feel on top of the world. Then there are those days that you don’t even know are coming. Those days you just feels hopeless.
The last times I’ve been down the hole, I’ve always just sat at the bottom for a while; not knowing how to escape. When finally I wouldn’t feel lonely anymore, I found my peace in God and chose to walk with him.
This time it’s different. I wish sometimes with all my strength that I would be different. I wish that I would never have to ever, past or present, battle mental illness. My depression and anxiety make me someone who I feel ashamed of. The person who I don’t recognize. My soul was wrecked. My soul felt finally hopeless.
But my dear friend let me tell you what happens when you reach hopeless. God reaches for you. All you have to do is retreat from hopeless and find hope in Him.
I can promise you one thing, I won’t ever lie to you. So in my truth let me tell you that as I write this I am still in the midst of a time of trials. Sometimes finding hope in the small things seems worthless. All I can say to this is climb. Keep climbing and reaching for God because He is 100% there. That is what I am trying to do, and I’m learning that He is the only way I am going to succeed.
“When we cannot trace his hand, we must trust his heart!” -Charles Spurgeon Like wow! Think about that.
So reach out! Just grab on to Him. You are made so beautifully and my friend you are so loved. I know hopelessness feels like a dark pit with never ending suffering. But use the power of God to be our light in the hole. Let Him be your healing when your wounds seem to great to carry on.
My soul is wrecked but right now it’s not in a bad way. My soul is wrecked by the love and hope God has given me. All I can do is keep climbing because this hole is not my home.
Keep Fighting and Climbing!