As the Colors Fade

Dear Warrior,

I have a hard time keeping up with new music. Which is fairly ironic because I was a music major in college. But thankfully, my husband will introduce me to new bands and albums pretty regularly. A few weeks ago, Jakeb sent me a screenshot of The Head and the Heart’s newest record. If you haven’t heard of them, go listen. They’re pretty good.

I started listening to this album as I drove to work/errands/etc. I’d roll the windows down the windows and turn the volume up loud. I’d try to pick up on the lyrics as soon as I could so I could sing along.

When the seventh song came to an end and the eighth song made its debut into my world, I was immediately mesmerized by the lyrics. It was titled, “Colors.” The first line repeats itself throughout the song,

“I saw the colors fade away from you.”

Being an artist, this spoke to me in a few ways. For one, you can’t say the word “color” without my ears perking. That alone fully focused my attention as they began singing through my car stereo. 

Secondly, it immediately made me think of myself and other people that I know who are battling with depression. It felt like a beautifully tragic way to explain the way depression drains the life from your soul.

As you sink farther and farther into the sickness, the colors fade from your eyes. It’s as if life turns from a vibrant painting of a field full of daisies, full of dreams and possibilities, to a dark grey, blank canvas holding no life, dreams or hope.

It breaks me to hear of people who are experiencing this. Why is this a reality? Why is this disease killing beautiful people? Why are the colors fading from lives previously full of hope, fun and meaning? Can we prevent this? Is it even a choice or does it just happen to you?

So. Many. Questions.
All left unanswered.

 

My thoughts then went to the question, “What can revive the color? What can bring back this life that has been so absent?”

What can I tell these friends, these readers, these warriors…what can I tell myself to bring us back to life?

I don’t know. I really don’t know.

Maybe medication. Possibly essential oils or a good diet. Maybe going to the gym a couple times a week or getting outside. I know there are really good qualities and outcomes from those things. And I know that they help tremendously. I have used all of these things and recommend them to all people who ask. But are they enough?

The only thing I can be fully confident in is Jesus.
Not that He will fix it all and make life wonderful again on this earth.
But that He will be enough in the midst of the suffering and darkness and disease.

Nothing else can replace that hope.

So in the hurt, in the confusion, cling to Him.
He's our only true hope.

Keep fighting,

Kadi